Recent Posts
Topic: ~SPIRITUAL~ A DAY AT A TIME
02/01 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
The longer I'm in The Program, the more clearly I see why it's important for me to understand WHY I do what I do, and say what I say. In the process, I'm coming to realize what kind of person I really am. I see now, for example, that it's far easier to be honest with other people than with myself. I'm learning, also, that we're all hampered by our need to justify our actions and words. HAVE I TAKEN AN INVENTORY OF MYSELF AS SUGGESTED IN THE TWELVE STEPS? HAVE I ADMITTED MY FAULTS TO MYSELF, TO GOD, AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?
TODAY I PRAY
May I not be stalled in my recovery process by the enormity of The Program's Fourth Stp, taking a moral inventory of myself, or by admitting these shortcomings to myself, to God and to another human being. May I know that honesty to myself about myself is all-important.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I cannot mend if I bend the truth.
The longer I'm in The Program, the more clearly I see why it's important for me to understand WHY I do what I do, and say what I say. In the process, I'm coming to realize what kind of person I really am. I see now, for example, that it's far easier to be honest with other people than with myself. I'm learning, also, that we're all hampered by our need to justify our actions and words. HAVE I TAKEN AN INVENTORY OF MYSELF AS SUGGESTED IN THE TWELVE STEPS? HAVE I ADMITTED MY FAULTS TO MYSELF, TO GOD, AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?
TODAY I PRAY
May I not be stalled in my recovery process by the enormity of The Program's Fourth Stp, taking a moral inventory of myself, or by admitting these shortcomings to myself, to God and to another human being. May I know that honesty to myself about myself is all-important.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I cannot mend if I bend the truth.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
Topic: ~SPIRITUAL~ A DAY AT A TIME
01-31 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
One of the most constructive things I can do is to learn to listen to myself and get in touch with my true feelings. For years, I tuned myself out, going along, instead, with what others felt and said. Even today, it sometimes seem that they have it all together, while I'm still stumbling about. Thankfully, I'm beginning to understand that people-pleasing takes many forms. Slowly but steadily, I've also begun to realize that it's possible for me to change my old patterns. WILL I ENCOURAGE MYSELF TO TUNE IN TO THE REAL ME? WILL I LISTEN CAREFULLY TO MY OWN INNER VOICE WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT I'LL HEAR SOME WONDERFUL THINGS?
TODAY I PRAY
I pray that I may respect myself enough to listen to my real feelings, those emotions which for so long I refused to hear or name or own, which festered in me like a poison. May I know that I need to stop often, look at my feelings, listen to the inner me.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will own my feelings.
These Inspirational readings can be used in all aspects of our lives and addictions. Not just for those addicted to alcohol, but those who have addictions to food.. shopping... gambling.. and sex. Rather it existed before WLS or if it is a transfer addiction. I look at people and I see many who are struggling with such addictions. Not that it's my place to point and try to cure because for me to do so is pointless. It's TOTALLY up to the said individual to realize that they have the illness. Once they do.. and once they realize that they don't want to live that life anymore.. THAT is when they will seek ways to make those changes.
I use to party hard on the Singles Board.. I became known to drink and dial with other members. Some was during blackouts.. and I've not a clue what was said. It was fun times!! We had a blast.. or I did anyways. I remember one lady asking me if I thought I had a drinking problem. I kinda did.. but took offense and posted back.. HELL NO.. It's all in fun. But.. after time I began to suffer consequences from my drinking in real life. My eyes one day saw a person who was wasted and I took a hard look and realized... I actually said to myself. "..damnnn.. that's what I look like when I'm drunk.." and I realized it's not pretty. Actually it was damn ugly. Soo I started to make the changes...
Sooo.. take a good look within. Listen to the inner me*you*. If you like what it's telling you now, Wonderful. If your not so happy.. you can make changes.. A Day At A Time.
One of the most constructive things I can do is to learn to listen to myself and get in touch with my true feelings. For years, I tuned myself out, going along, instead, with what others felt and said. Even today, it sometimes seem that they have it all together, while I'm still stumbling about. Thankfully, I'm beginning to understand that people-pleasing takes many forms. Slowly but steadily, I've also begun to realize that it's possible for me to change my old patterns. WILL I ENCOURAGE MYSELF TO TUNE IN TO THE REAL ME? WILL I LISTEN CAREFULLY TO MY OWN INNER VOICE WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT I'LL HEAR SOME WONDERFUL THINGS?
TODAY I PRAY
I pray that I may respect myself enough to listen to my real feelings, those emotions which for so long I refused to hear or name or own, which festered in me like a poison. May I know that I need to stop often, look at my feelings, listen to the inner me.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will own my feelings.
These Inspirational readings can be used in all aspects of our lives and addictions. Not just for those addicted to alcohol, but those who have addictions to food.. shopping... gambling.. and sex. Rather it existed before WLS or if it is a transfer addiction. I look at people and I see many who are struggling with such addictions. Not that it's my place to point and try to cure because for me to do so is pointless. It's TOTALLY up to the said individual to realize that they have the illness. Once they do.. and once they realize that they don't want to live that life anymore.. THAT is when they will seek ways to make those changes.
I use to party hard on the Singles Board.. I became known to drink and dial with other members. Some was during blackouts.. and I've not a clue what was said. It was fun times!! We had a blast.. or I did anyways. I remember one lady asking me if I thought I had a drinking problem. I kinda did.. but took offense and posted back.. HELL NO.. It's all in fun. But.. after time I began to suffer consequences from my drinking in real life. My eyes one day saw a person who was wasted and I took a hard look and realized... I actually said to myself. "..damnnn.. that's what I look like when I'm drunk.." and I realized it's not pretty. Actually it was damn ugly. Soo I started to make the changes...
Sooo.. take a good look within. Listen to the inner me*you*. If you like what it's telling you now, Wonderful. If your not so happy.. you can make changes.. A Day At A Time.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
Topic: RE: Social Anxiety and WLS
It can't cure your ills - the only reason I am doing so well is because of all the work I did on myself BEFORE the surgery. I could never have been ready for the surgery if I hadn't done that work, and if weight loss has changed my body image, it's because I laid that groundwork first.
Does that make sense?
Does that make sense?
Topic: RE: Social Anxiety and WLS
Hello,
I have been reading your emails too each other and feel I have many of the same feelings. I haven't had my surgery yet but I am hope the self-esteem will get better when I am feeling better about my self. Problem I see is that I always had a self-esteem problem and the weight problem for only the last 15 or so years. I hope I am not counting on this surgery to cure all my ills, if you know what I mean. What are your thoughts on this?
jACKIE
I have been reading your emails too each other and feel I have many of the same feelings. I haven't had my surgery yet but I am hope the self-esteem will get better when I am feeling better about my self. Problem I see is that I always had a self-esteem problem and the weight problem for only the last 15 or so years. I hope I am not counting on this surgery to cure all my ills, if you know what I mean. What are your thoughts on this?
jACKIE
Topic: Interesting Article
Explains alot how me and my brother from the same parents ended up so different in the alcohol arena....
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/29/alcohol.dependence/inde x.html
Topic: RE: Update on me
Its great to see you back. I mostly lur****asionally post. I am proud of you for your 18 days. Keep it going. After a lengthy illness over the holidays and most of this month, I am happy to say that I am finally well enough to go back to work. I celebrated 7 months on Jan 18th. Its been a long road.
Kathy
Topic: RE: depressed now :(
I just ran across this article I think NO COINCIDENCE!!!!!!!
What Moves You? Discover the Inspiration to Change
By Michelle May, M.D.http://bsciresourcecenter.com/proddetail.php?prod=FAWhatMoves
Have you ever felt motivated to exercise, eat better, lose weight or make other positive changes on New Years day, only to feel your enthusiasm slip away as time passes or the going gets tough? Although motivation seems elusive at times, when you understand how to tap into your sources of inspiration, you'll feel more in charge of your attitude and know what to do to maintain and restore your drive and motivation.
Peel Away the Layers
First, clearly identify your personal reasons for making a change. It's important to peel away the layers to make sure you get to the heart of your motivation. Some sources of motivation are internal: thoughts and feelings like fear or longing. Others are external: events, people, situations or rewards that inspire you. Both internal and external motivators can fuel the process of change, especially when you tap into those that create strong emotion for you.
These powerful motivators will keep you moving in the right direction.
Candace was surprised to discover that what she really wanted was more significant than she initially thought:
I stopped setting New Years Resolutions several years ago.
Before that it was the same thing every year: 1. Lose Weight. 2. Exercise. Who wants to keep failing year after year? However, as I "mature" I realize that "losing weight and exercising" isn't really what matters to me so that's why my resolutions just left me feeling deprived and guilty. What I really want is to experience more enjoyment in my life and to feel more vibrant and healthy. This year I've decided to set two resolutions that inspire me:
1. Practice mindful eating during at least one (if not all) of my meals each day.
2. Find opportunities to move more every day.
Here are ten more tried and true tips that can help you make a change successfully.
MOTIVATON TOP 10
1. Why Now? In order to identify your own powerful motivators, take out a piece of paper and answer these two
questions:
* Why is it important to me to make a change (for example, stop yoyo dieting)?
* Why do I want to make this change now, at this point in my life?
Now, think about what you've written and challenge yourself to dig deeper to uncover even more meaningful answers. Ask yourself the two questions again: So why is that important to me? And why now? You may need to ask the "why" questions a few times to peel back the layers and get to the personal inspiration that's the fuel for meaningful change. You'll know you've hit on something important when you experience a strong emotion.
2. Set Goals. You wouldn't start out on a trip without knowing where you're going, would you? Visualizing your endpoint will help you determine the path for getting there so your brain has a detailed map to follow. See http://amihungry.com/pdf/newsletter-12-07.pdf to learn how to set Meaningful Magnetic New Years Resolutions.
3. Start Small. One of your greatest sources of motivation is seeing progress. If you're having a hard time getting started, ask yourself, "What is the smallest goal I could set that I'd be likely to achieve?" and start there. Keep in mind that your goal isn't perfection, it's direction.
4. Be Consistent. Consistency is one of the keys to creating a habit. For example, if your goal is to walk five days a week or to start meditating daily, write it down on your calendar or on your "to do" list then treat it like any other important commitment.
5. Be Flexible. Too often, people wait for the perfect time to make a change, like getting more exercise. It's unlikely the perfect time will ever come--and it won't last anyway--so make fitness fit into your life just the way it is today.
When life gets in the way (and it will), adjust your routine so you can still fit it in.
6. Use Reminders. Your motivation can fade simply because you've lost touch with what inspired you in the first place. Create reminders to keep your source of inspiration top of mind. Some examples: If you're motivated to eat healthier because you want to inspire your children, have them draw a picture of all of you at the dinner table or cooking together. If your goal is to be more active, set an alarm on your computer that reminds you to get up and walk around the office once every hour. If you want to eat more mindfully, wear an Am I Hungry? bracelet (see below) or download a sign from http://www.amihungry.com/pdf/am-i-hungry...if-not-sign.pdf
to put on your refrigerator that says:
Am I hungry?
If not, then what I need ISN'T IN HERE!
7. Anticipate Challenges. Set yourself up for success by thinking through possible challenges and come up with coping strategies ahead of time. When you make a mistake or get off track, consider it a learning opportunity. Use the feedback to create a plan for what you'll do differently when that challenge comes up again. For example, if you find you can't get yourself to the gym after you get home at night, take your exercise clothes to work with you.
8. Team Up. When you're feeling low in motivation, you can borrow some from others around you. Find an accountability partner, exercise buddy, coach, personal trainer or support group. (I'd love to be part of your team to get your New Year off to a great start. See my 10th Anniversary Bonus
below!)
9. Be Patient. One of the things I hear most frequently from people I work with is that although it takes time, they eventually reach a point where eating mindfully or being more active becomes natural. You may not feel that way initially so you'll have to operate on faith that that it will get easier (unless you quit).
10. Reward Yourself. Since it takes time to see results, come up with both small and large incentives to motivate yourself to reach your short and long term goals. For example, you could give yourself points for the minutes you spend exercising then trade them in for the time to do other things you enjoy too. And be sure to celebrate your success as you achieve the goals you've set.
Of course the greatest inspiration is seeing the fruits of your labor - and the greatest reward is in knowing that you've done your best.
Eat Mindfully. Live Vibrantly!
Michelle May, M.D.
Michelle May, M.D. is a recovered yoyo dieter and author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don't Work. To help you achieve your goals, download a complimentary poster for your refrigerator: 101 Things to Do Besides Eat from http://amihungry.com/enews.shtml
What Moves You? Discover the Inspiration to Change
By Michelle May, M.D.http://bsciresourcecenter.com/proddetail.php?prod=FAWhatMoves
Have you ever felt motivated to exercise, eat better, lose weight or make other positive changes on New Years day, only to feel your enthusiasm slip away as time passes or the going gets tough? Although motivation seems elusive at times, when you understand how to tap into your sources of inspiration, you'll feel more in charge of your attitude and know what to do to maintain and restore your drive and motivation.
Peel Away the Layers
First, clearly identify your personal reasons for making a change. It's important to peel away the layers to make sure you get to the heart of your motivation. Some sources of motivation are internal: thoughts and feelings like fear or longing. Others are external: events, people, situations or rewards that inspire you. Both internal and external motivators can fuel the process of change, especially when you tap into those that create strong emotion for you.
These powerful motivators will keep you moving in the right direction.
Candace was surprised to discover that what she really wanted was more significant than she initially thought:
I stopped setting New Years Resolutions several years ago.
Before that it was the same thing every year: 1. Lose Weight. 2. Exercise. Who wants to keep failing year after year? However, as I "mature" I realize that "losing weight and exercising" isn't really what matters to me so that's why my resolutions just left me feeling deprived and guilty. What I really want is to experience more enjoyment in my life and to feel more vibrant and healthy. This year I've decided to set two resolutions that inspire me:
1. Practice mindful eating during at least one (if not all) of my meals each day.
2. Find opportunities to move more every day.
Here are ten more tried and true tips that can help you make a change successfully.
MOTIVATON TOP 10
1. Why Now? In order to identify your own powerful motivators, take out a piece of paper and answer these two
questions:
* Why is it important to me to make a change (for example, stop yoyo dieting)?
* Why do I want to make this change now, at this point in my life?
Now, think about what you've written and challenge yourself to dig deeper to uncover even more meaningful answers. Ask yourself the two questions again: So why is that important to me? And why now? You may need to ask the "why" questions a few times to peel back the layers and get to the personal inspiration that's the fuel for meaningful change. You'll know you've hit on something important when you experience a strong emotion.
2. Set Goals. You wouldn't start out on a trip without knowing where you're going, would you? Visualizing your endpoint will help you determine the path for getting there so your brain has a detailed map to follow. See http://amihungry.com/pdf/newsletter-12-07.pdf to learn how to set Meaningful Magnetic New Years Resolutions.
3. Start Small. One of your greatest sources of motivation is seeing progress. If you're having a hard time getting started, ask yourself, "What is the smallest goal I could set that I'd be likely to achieve?" and start there. Keep in mind that your goal isn't perfection, it's direction.
4. Be Consistent. Consistency is one of the keys to creating a habit. For example, if your goal is to walk five days a week or to start meditating daily, write it down on your calendar or on your "to do" list then treat it like any other important commitment.
5. Be Flexible. Too often, people wait for the perfect time to make a change, like getting more exercise. It's unlikely the perfect time will ever come--and it won't last anyway--so make fitness fit into your life just the way it is today.
When life gets in the way (and it will), adjust your routine so you can still fit it in.
6. Use Reminders. Your motivation can fade simply because you've lost touch with what inspired you in the first place. Create reminders to keep your source of inspiration top of mind. Some examples: If you're motivated to eat healthier because you want to inspire your children, have them draw a picture of all of you at the dinner table or cooking together. If your goal is to be more active, set an alarm on your computer that reminds you to get up and walk around the office once every hour. If you want to eat more mindfully, wear an Am I Hungry? bracelet (see below) or download a sign from http://www.amihungry.com/pdf/am-i-hungry...if-not-sign.pdf
to put on your refrigerator that says:
Am I hungry?
If not, then what I need ISN'T IN HERE!
7. Anticipate Challenges. Set yourself up for success by thinking through possible challenges and come up with coping strategies ahead of time. When you make a mistake or get off track, consider it a learning opportunity. Use the feedback to create a plan for what you'll do differently when that challenge comes up again. For example, if you find you can't get yourself to the gym after you get home at night, take your exercise clothes to work with you.
8. Team Up. When you're feeling low in motivation, you can borrow some from others around you. Find an accountability partner, exercise buddy, coach, personal trainer or support group. (I'd love to be part of your team to get your New Year off to a great start. See my 10th Anniversary Bonus
below!)
9. Be Patient. One of the things I hear most frequently from people I work with is that although it takes time, they eventually reach a point where eating mindfully or being more active becomes natural. You may not feel that way initially so you'll have to operate on faith that that it will get easier (unless you quit).
10. Reward Yourself. Since it takes time to see results, come up with both small and large incentives to motivate yourself to reach your short and long term goals. For example, you could give yourself points for the minutes you spend exercising then trade them in for the time to do other things you enjoy too. And be sure to celebrate your success as you achieve the goals you've set.
Of course the greatest inspiration is seeing the fruits of your labor - and the greatest reward is in knowing that you've done your best.
Eat Mindfully. Live Vibrantly!
Michelle May, M.D.
Michelle May, M.D. is a recovered yoyo dieter and author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don't Work. To help you achieve your goals, download a complimentary poster for your refrigerator: 101 Things to Do Besides Eat from http://amihungry.com/enews.shtml
Take Care, 
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Topic: RE: Update on me
Good update Trish glad you are doing well. Keep those days together I will keep you in my prayers. It is good to see you posting.
Corgi Mom
RNY
3/16/05
287/129 bmi 20.2 height 5'7"
Loss is good Maintanance is GREAT
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
RNY
3/16/05
287/129 bmi 20.2 height 5'7"
Loss is good Maintanance is GREAT
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
Topic: RE: depressed now :(
I will share with you my current strength, hope and support and let you know this is a great opportunity for you preop to work on this as postop it does not get ANY easier! 6 yrs out stress happens and life is hard and food is easy (As Linda Spangels great book is titled!)....We only have this moment the past is gone and the future is yet to come, we can either live or not the choice is ours..............I do not htink this is all a out motivation it is more about our inner struggles, our self esteem (or lack of), and our self sabotaging behaviors at times, inner child work and therapy has been most helpful to me...this is from my OH BLOG 1/18.... http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
======================
1/18/2009 Getting current....I have had a lifelong struggle with obesity and in 2002at the age of 29/30 I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Surgery was about being healthy not my weight and not my body image (although they were affected they were not my goals) I had been a successful dieting failure, loosing 70-100lbs more than 3 times in the 10 years prior to surgery; being overweight since I was 8 yrs old. Gastric bypass was successful; I lost 100% of my excess weight in 7 months (BMI 47->24.9) mainly due to a combination of my age, starting BMI, preop education, LUCK & my personality lending me to be the 'perfect patient' (little did I realize this is not a positive thing!). I feel it was also being very active in the bariatric community online and in person support groups I attended or facilitated that helped me reach and stay at goal for so long and not stray too far! I reflect now and am aware of switching addictions after surgery from food to exercise. I had developed an exercise addiction, being obsessed with daily exercise for 4 years, having to do at least 10 hours a week in the gym if not more, 6 hours of that cardio and no days off, I thought about it all the time and planned my life around it (instead of food!). I burned out!!!!!!!!! Fear, sadness, shame, guilt, anger and loneliness were the emotions I was trying to avoid with food or exercise. I kept the weight off until 2+ yrs ago when my emotional eating returned. I had allowed the stressors in my life at that time to guide me in a negative direction and I stopped making healthy choices in living and coping. My new lifestyle and coping didn't hold up and I have episodically reverted to more familiar ways (eating when not physically hungry, eating more carbs, isolating, sleeping, avoidance). In the Fall of 2006 I did a year worth of personal growth and worked on my shame, codependency, perfectionism, anger, sadness and fear that permeated/effected my life and relationships. I gained many tools to cope (Meditation, positive affirmations, chanting, being present, much of Geneen Roth's work helped also, letting go/surrendering, connection with my spirituality, CODA meetings, setting boundaries that were healthy, journaling). All along my weight was never the focus, merely a symptom of my emotional mismanagement. Over time again I have allowed life to erode many of these new found coping skills, and the choices I have made are not the ones to put me in balance or to be centered, present or healthy. I have become more aware of this over the past 3 months and am ready to address these things below. I take full accountability and responsibility for my actions and choices. Up until a few weeks ago I was (NOT) coping with life's stressors by: 1) Avoidance and numbing with food (more carbs which drives more physical hunger on top of the emotional hunger). 2) Isolating from previous level of activities and socialization. (friends/family/church/exercise/CODA meetings/shopping). 3) Working long hours and on off tours via remote access at home intruding on home; attempting to avoid and be perfect. 4) Procrastination at home and work. 5) Increased sedentary activity such as sleeping in or going to bed early, watching much more than usual movies/TV, naps on weekends. 6) NO EXERCISE in MONTHS!. MY GOAL has always been so I am refocusing on this: "I want to more balance in my life by being more physically and emotionally present and healthy" Steps I have taken in past few weeks to rediscover my path:
Started gradually exercising to find that balance between all or nothing..so far 30 min 3x week is the balance! Slow and steady! SUPERWOMAN does not work anymore!
Started daily journaling of my thoughts, feelings and sometimes food.
Started a food discovery log (identifying my physical, emotional aspects of hunger and eating etc.)
Started daily affirmations reading and listening.
Started daily listening to transforming eating obsessions CD (self hypnosis/guided imagery)
Meditating daily.
Practicing my deep breathing daily to deal with stress.
Returned to CODA meetings
Broke out of my isolation with friends and family.
Stopped over sleeping/napping to avoid.
Returned slowly to online support groups.
Returned to more personal growth work individually.
MAKING ME A PRIORITY! SPEAKING MY TRUTH AND LIVING IN THE ONLY PLACE I CAN NOW!
I always find honesty with self, accountability to self, sharing and in community I can not only survive but I can and do thrive! I am here! OPEN, HONEST AND CURRENT! TODAY there is no place for self-criticism or judgment; today I am practicing JUST NOTICING! ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME? I would not be who I am today without my challenges, I am accepting them, embracing them and learning from them! GRATITUDE WORKS! I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for all of you! BEING ALIVE, really ALIVE and present today is MARVELOUS! I am posting as widely as possible to share!
======================
1/18/2009 Getting current....I have had a lifelong struggle with obesity and in 2002at the age of 29/30 I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Surgery was about being healthy not my weight and not my body image (although they were affected they were not my goals) I had been a successful dieting failure, loosing 70-100lbs more than 3 times in the 10 years prior to surgery; being overweight since I was 8 yrs old. Gastric bypass was successful; I lost 100% of my excess weight in 7 months (BMI 47->24.9) mainly due to a combination of my age, starting BMI, preop education, LUCK & my personality lending me to be the 'perfect patient' (little did I realize this is not a positive thing!). I feel it was also being very active in the bariatric community online and in person support groups I attended or facilitated that helped me reach and stay at goal for so long and not stray too far! I reflect now and am aware of switching addictions after surgery from food to exercise. I had developed an exercise addiction, being obsessed with daily exercise for 4 years, having to do at least 10 hours a week in the gym if not more, 6 hours of that cardio and no days off, I thought about it all the time and planned my life around it (instead of food!). I burned out!!!!!!!!! Fear, sadness, shame, guilt, anger and loneliness were the emotions I was trying to avoid with food or exercise. I kept the weight off until 2+ yrs ago when my emotional eating returned. I had allowed the stressors in my life at that time to guide me in a negative direction and I stopped making healthy choices in living and coping. My new lifestyle and coping didn't hold up and I have episodically reverted to more familiar ways (eating when not physically hungry, eating more carbs, isolating, sleeping, avoidance). In the Fall of 2006 I did a year worth of personal growth and worked on my shame, codependency, perfectionism, anger, sadness and fear that permeated/effected my life and relationships. I gained many tools to cope (Meditation, positive affirmations, chanting, being present, much of Geneen Roth's work helped also, letting go/surrendering, connection with my spirituality, CODA meetings, setting boundaries that were healthy, journaling). All along my weight was never the focus, merely a symptom of my emotional mismanagement. Over time again I have allowed life to erode many of these new found coping skills, and the choices I have made are not the ones to put me in balance or to be centered, present or healthy. I have become more aware of this over the past 3 months and am ready to address these things below. I take full accountability and responsibility for my actions and choices. Up until a few weeks ago I was (NOT) coping with life's stressors by: 1) Avoidance and numbing with food (more carbs which drives more physical hunger on top of the emotional hunger). 2) Isolating from previous level of activities and socialization. (friends/family/church/exercise/CODA meetings/shopping). 3) Working long hours and on off tours via remote access at home intruding on home; attempting to avoid and be perfect. 4) Procrastination at home and work. 5) Increased sedentary activity such as sleeping in or going to bed early, watching much more than usual movies/TV, naps on weekends. 6) NO EXERCISE in MONTHS!. MY GOAL has always been so I am refocusing on this: "I want to more balance in my life by being more physically and emotionally present and healthy" Steps I have taken in past few weeks to rediscover my path:
Started gradually exercising to find that balance between all or nothing..so far 30 min 3x week is the balance! Slow and steady! SUPERWOMAN does not work anymore!
Started daily journaling of my thoughts, feelings and sometimes food.
Started a food discovery log (identifying my physical, emotional aspects of hunger and eating etc.)
Started daily affirmations reading and listening.
Started daily listening to transforming eating obsessions CD (self hypnosis/guided imagery)
Meditating daily.
Practicing my deep breathing daily to deal with stress.
Returned to CODA meetings
Broke out of my isolation with friends and family.
Stopped over sleeping/napping to avoid.
Returned slowly to online support groups.
Returned to more personal growth work individually.
MAKING ME A PRIORITY! SPEAKING MY TRUTH AND LIVING IN THE ONLY PLACE I CAN NOW!
I always find honesty with self, accountability to self, sharing and in community I can not only survive but I can and do thrive! I am here! OPEN, HONEST AND CURRENT! TODAY there is no place for self-criticism or judgment; today I am practicing JUST NOTICING! ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME? I would not be who I am today without my challenges, I am accepting them, embracing them and learning from them! GRATITUDE WORKS! I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for all of you! BEING ALIVE, really ALIVE and present today is MARVELOUS! I am posting as widely as possible to share!
Take Care,
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
Topic: RE: How do you know when drinking is a problem?
Wow! I am exactly where you are or were. I don't know why I do it, (drink). But, once I did I find it hard to stop......even though I promise the people I love I will. I hide the vodka so they won't find it. I'm constantly chewing on breath mints. I know they know, but just are not saying anything.....yet. I have not yet gotten drunk and drove.....Thank the lord. I know I need help, but it's so hard.
God bless you all,
Nola
God bless you all,
Nola
Most Active
Recent Topics
